Desolate

Do you recall the time where there isnt much to worry about. Even the things that we worry for were not really things to worry about. The life we lead is pretty simple, a stage by stage based concept. When was the last time we stopped and thought about how life was getting complicated because of the things we choose to get into. Living the life, bumming around, making a huge number of friends, never really alone as most of the time you had many to call you, walk you, hang out with. But deep down, somewhere this heart feels lost, empty - desolate. Why do we still move on and seek the company cause all we needed wasnt the fact I got a thousand friends over freindster or the lastest-hip online network friends connection but the fact I had to get the feeling of loniless away just by knowing who I really am and all I should do is keep me company and that will make it all go away, not so easy by the way. It could be the loniliness that peaks and we fear being left alone in this world at present or in the future. We all are, that slient scream in our minds and hearts.

"Because we like the taste of freedom; because we like the smell of danger."

Not like the colours of the rainbow.

Sometimes we are too contented with looking at the colours that surrounds. We only kept looking but we did not use those colours to paint ourselves with it, so that we could enjoy it fully rather than just viewing. He stepped on many colours but he got lost within them. Why has it got to be in this way the way of loosing yourself in order to find yourself?

If you knew my history -

Not for a few more weeks till school reopens to a brand new year of studies. Well guess I'd not know what the whole year will unfold which I guess it makes me either excited as well as it leaves me with a litte fear and worry. Guess it is more of the choice I make of what I want it to be. As for the holidays, I have been a bum at pursuing to get a part time job, hunt for a little while and just went on with the days. While a part of me feels that I should work and get some knowlegde, earn some cash and spend the days wisely. However, the other feels that I should not want to plunge into growing up too fast and when will an adult in future get that much of holiday time?

As the time was used well too I guess with chilling with baby, church on Fridays, and a litte time at home with all the eating and catching of Dvds. Here and there,

catching movies, a new found crazy game for me at the arcade which I must win, haha. Walking around and enjoying the time together. From Kallang, Gardens, Amk, Bugis, Bishan and City Hall. Caught the Leap years and 10000bc. Leap year's was a rather good production, good plot with some good tearing moments and emotions being played which also meant how much the wait for love can cause. The other movie, was good too, effects and the deeper part into the story was commendable, must try out his sexy run, ha. Chilled around City Hall one Sat, had doughnuts which was quite a messy moment with laughter. Checked out the IT show 08' which was not surpirsingly packed up with hungry for phones, Tv, camera and laptop people. Dinner at Suntec and an early night backto Amk to chill around and have some alone time here and there with great pictures taken with her. The days before, was hanging around with her, her place, the usual spot, basic, happy duck rice and chicken rice at Bishan which we talked bout old memories of that place before we knew each other.

Sunday the 9th - was some good time. We never really stop talking since we met each other on the train where we waited as the rain had her taking the bus then the train. Chilled around, booked tickets at the Cathay, went to PS, checked out shops for my polo tees and others. Looked around for planned places to eat and ended up with a funny facial expression for S11 time at Cup Page centre. On to Billy Bombers for dessert cause the American Brownie is the bomb there. Good stuff though the first time we tried it tasted a little nicer. Maybe we had too much of Buffalo Wings before, this time. After the show, chilled and took photos and went on back to our usual spot, chat, had a call from Sherms hope he is doing fine. Hanged around, back home, chats over the phone, the whole day wasnt enough, ha ended my day or in other words my week. Great time baby - 182 photos and a whole lot of memories. Monday and Tues was homly times where the Dvds came into play. Wed, I had to meet up with baby. Went around, the rain made it a little more diff to get around such like Bugis street, had our noodles we planned to eat and had my love's fave Waffle Ice Cream at Nebo. Thereafter, we had to get another Zone X card, good thinker this girl of mine, but had the card under her name and that whatever cute picture at the back of the card, I had no choice but to keep it for my use then. Manage to hit stage four in the game and finally beat her at one game. Poolwas decided but the fully used tables chased us away. Spend more time, which is never ever enough. Got our PAssion revantage card and planned ahead for stuff coming in our calendar.

A little complication with Church, home and heading out with the weather not helping today, decided to stay home and catch some time with my lappy and tv shows on this day which I dont usually catch. The rest of the week ahead, I guess I will want to meet with baby, so few times this week. Stations at church, a might meet up with Selina and Sunday probably some lazy day or something.

Didnt I tell you to realize how much this cost. - Priceless.

Songs from nowhere -

There has been kilos of thoughts, if that could be measured, that I'd have blogged down but some are better already left in my head. Or had been taken over by my laziness. Thinking can be a great priceless tool or instrument that one has in different special ways for an indivisual. But it can really be a bore or an irritant as times when the powerful mind plays you out which dictates your every move and action, takes away sleep and leave you blank for awhile.

Anyways, over the last weekend, the topic of the Sunday time's was about expectations of Singaporean ladies about men in situations such like paying for dates, opening doors, remembering anniversaries, dressing up for occasions and even carrying handbags. I was glad that this topic popped out after so much bragging about this to my baby and some of my boys. Saying that some guys put on that gangster act, trying to give that impression they cannot be touch because of some crappy unglam tattoo that they have on thier arms or back. But end up carrying a pinky, girly and ugly looking fake Gucci pouch or handbag thier girlfriend's have but/yet not carry. Not knowing that they are just being a joke and a place for humour in the streets at times.

What the newspaper reported, was that ladies expect thier men to do many things for them from paying to sending them back home. Amazingly and to a shock it came to my knowledge that some guys even do not mind doing those for our pretty counterparts. Though for me, I trust that I respect, stay faithful, love and care for my girl but it would not mean I would so those things. Some girls in the survey stated that it would be love and respect for their boyfriends to carry thier handbags.

I'm certain that lady got the wrong definition from the wrong dictionary or search engine whatsoever. I hope that those reading the papers of course my gender of the male population would realize that we should not live up too much to women's expections of this sort which is not human or even equal as they want it now or in future. Since women would want to be equal in all ways then lets all be equal - Would women ever serve the Nation or would men ever give birth? I am stating the extremes in attemp to show whoever is reading my blog, the magnitude of silly stereotyping things happening even in the 21st century.

Would'nt it be faster for a lady to get the car door for herself rather than her man get it if they were late to catch an important appointment? Wouldnt it be nice once in awhile when women take a little more resposibility in leading and lightening the load off men? Would a lady finally take more sense into doing what thier totally capable of doing as thier male counterparts can? I said before that my girl has to be the girlfriend who would stand up for both herself and I, to be strong enough to carry her own bag and do the things all human beings can up to their own abilities. Not to spoil the image of her man by having him in a clean cut suit with a nice handsome tie but a little hand bag up his shoulder. Or pay, which is totally just a feed off, being a cheap girl dependant on men. Step up to the game and play women in all ways, be the role that you have not be the role in the expense of hurting someone else. Some guys are really not worth it, Yes, but dont forget not all guys are what you think. What if it is that perverty guy who have something up in his mind, up to no good and you expect him to send you back home? Dont think you have everything in your hands because you are a lady because not everything is, same goes for the men.

Therefore, I wanna shout out to my baby, though the covers of our true self have not peel off totally. I want you to be true always. To keep those mature thoughts going and to be the lady for me to love and to do all you can. Cause I'm to do mine. Thanks for not letting me be that guy who will have to worry about paying, opening and carrying stuff for you. As my baby is totally capable of that, she's the girl. Of course, I will play my part to show you respect and love in all so many different ways. Way apart from crazy dreamland expectations. That's my girl. You have been amazing in your thoughts and actions. Remaining strong and in doing your part. Sure we'll have some faults but through it all you come out better and improved. So much to word in our status but whatever it is, you have been the girl of my liking who I'm growing to Love. I'll be your man. - Justin.

There she is, my baby girl. You dont have to dream so big just love with all you can and be like no other in thier wasteful thinking. Look up into the sky with the stars in it because you clearly know what they mean. Ask me for evaluation cause you will know how you score, share with me your thoughts cause I'll be more than your shoulder and ears. Live life expecting to be better of course because we will work things out ahead. Treasure all around, your love ones and me because you are in my "The One's I Treasure List." Fear and worry not about me as we discussed because you will have nothing to worry about. Place all needless negativity away and look at important ones in the face and overcome them because I'll be right around to face them with you. Throw all temptations aside and know what you want and need, because I'm trying and I know I want and need you. See only Us till the end because when I think and see Us till the end, I only see your smile and feel your heart with mine. Love no other because I won't stop Loving you.

Underdress

Once again, I shall not post up much as there is certainly too much to word. To get me started, it is the end of Year One in Ploy. Year Two will be up come April. A part of me hope all is well to get into my elective course as the other part thinks that it may be to packed up with stuff. But I guess I got to do my best in whatever and juggle many things and be proud of myself. My Year's gpa - 3.2, should I be proud of it? I guess I should as know I did my best though not all the time, but the effort from just picking myself out of bed, doing up the layout and much more for presentation and trying at all UTs. I feel delighted yet I have to keep it up and going. Claps for my friends and baby for doing equally well of much better. So the long yet short holidays begin.

Jumped into the New Year's was the opener to my holidays. The previous few days was out with baby to celebrate the end of Year One, chilled around, skipped the last two days of school and was over at her place area till the time she needed to leave for New Year's over at Malaysia. Nice meeting you Aunty, by the way not just an aunty but my baby's mum! Thanks for the healthy drinks. Kept in contact with baby throughout for about four days. On my side, visitings as per usual. Various places, from locations of Seragoon Gardens, Mandai, Clementi, Queenstown, AMK, Kovan, Gih Moh Estate and Boon Keng. Guess there would be a few more which by now I would have a problem recalling. Collected a decent sum of Ang Baos. Though the other objectives of this highly celebrated festive season is to wish each other the best for the year/s ahead, meet and catch up and of course have fun in humble games of blackjacks and other gambling modes and eat.

After that quick buzzy week, it was sure another highly celebrated event. Stood in the later part of the following week was Valentine's day. Love - such a powerful word, splendid and glorious. Yet used worthlessly and the misuse of it has been casuing great damage. Till we all see it all as one. Few would actually know the meaning of Vday yet celebrate just because it is universal and claim to be done by lovers all around. Therefore, a normal loving couple would do the same from the fear of many things. Such as making his or her partner feel less worthy. Well in certain ways I beg to differ. Love should only be celebrated when it is felt. Though I celebrated it with baby, I made it clear that it was because of things we been and yet to have been through and the various other reasons behind - as to not make this post any inch longer. I hope you could see through me, the me that wants to be with you for all times, the me that is no average flirt, the me that wants to Love. Guess that says it all. A meaningful four days celebration with the long awaited meet up with her mum at her place. Time at gardens, the light up which took awhile cause of strong winds, was proud of it afterall. Town, dinner, walk down to Istana Park, Cab ride back, supper. Various things major or minor - in my heart. Movies together, p/s I Love You and Jumper. p/s Ily was a brillant picture with a good creative little plot with a great person to watch it with. Every part of the show Ithought of it deeper and related it to reality, how so important each mind plays to a show that they understand and sort to relate. The Love between friends, parents or in this case a mother and of course your partner. The things we go through, the reactions after a tragic event. I watch that moive twice, both with the best ladies in my life. My mum and baby. That is excluding my sis though. Jumper was all bout effects, the plot wasnt introduced well enough and I guess there might be part two in future. However, a power that would cause destruction in the real world if anyone would have it.

Other days ahead, chilled with my boys over at gardens. Chilling back home, Church for Stations of the Cross. Chilling with baby, Gardens, AMK and Town area, very pleasant times. Your smiles for me - wow. Finally my birthday dinner with family at Cafe Iguana. Met up with a bunch of Semester one classmates including my baby of course. Quite a blend catch up but at least it was good. Billy Bombers for dinner and coffeebean for chills and chats, small walk arounds in between. Earlier before the meet up, it was with baby, walked around, read childern's books and just enjoying around with her. Yesterday Tues, we decided to head to East Coast, had a shocker at prices, chill for a little while but my nose was runny and decided to have an early night. It was nice just walking around with her and thanks for the ice cream. Looking forward for all so countless nice times around the next time. Today, I have some time for home and there, my post for the blog. I have been wanting so much to blog but my laziness can actually murder me. Soon for more. My bad I didnt head on for the surprise Freely and I didnt go for the long time catch up with my kindergarden teacher and friends. It all came at once, with me being tired and down with my skin condition and runny nose as well. You'll never know the misery and that's a good thing.

-I choose always to be the better me for you. I choose to be the best that I can be, let me expect to hit my own expectations rather then you put me down for me weaknesses and for not meetings yours out there. Because by picking out my weakness is your own weakness. Fight the bull by it horns and take me till the end. Clean up after fight and fall. - I just cleared up.

Stone -

A pretty long time since I've blogged. There is too much word. Well it has been rather alright, from the previous hols, from regular Chilling, Vivo City, Mt Fabour, Movies -AVP2, One Miss Call and Body 19. Out of the three, Body 19 wins it, plot, effects, sound and thrill, thanks Baby. Chills, Birthday celebrations, last lap of Year One of school, lunch at Causeway, Cine and our "Bone"less duck noodles, Coffee shops and 9pm chinese shows, Hub, Bugis Street, Arbrab Street and Concourse, Suntec City, Casurina, Hog's Breath Cafe, Prata and Breakfast from her, meant much, smiles and hugs. Now, it's all over for Year One, Peace out to my class, W25G bunch of yet another signifcant people, my bad I had so little time with you guys but all are kept well in my memories. This is what changes do to people but oh wells, till then whenever guys. Birthday, was cool, with class and ex classmates, YV, Friends, Family, Wishes and Baby. Thanks much all has been well appreciated. 19th. Our spots, School, Nebo, China Town and Clark Q with Baby, great to have you with me, whole of stuff. To the club with the boys last night and before that was at Dalvin's. Happy Birthday Shuping, Dalvin and Jasveer. All in to one, such a summary so much in my memories - Worthy. Lets enjoy the Poly Holidays people and Have a great Lunar/Chinese New Year 08'!

Lets walk the road with choose together and let the past be with the past, let it be the teachings for the future, let us mean the good and positive things that we say. Let the sad songs mean nothing yet the meaningful ones mean so much. Choose to be the better. I cant bare so much anymore, not now, not ever, it will be brick by brick. We can forget trying to understand this cruelty because isnt this all made up by man.

Why do we do ourselves with thoughts, thoughts of the negative? The mind is such a powerful tool so much so, it needs to stop sometimes. The feelings is not tasteful, the worry, the needless tensions and your insensitive comments arent encouraging to the little-less of any extend. Experiences comes highly sound advise but only when it is used with careful thinking before speaking your mind. If I had spoken my mind, if we all spoke out our mind will we be prepared for war?

Tight.

Through the times many go through changes. Some differ beyond what others can remember. The life that seeks peace and true love has become a sadistic game that we all happen to be players in this sinful stage we play on. Some try to be normal but by being normal, they seem abnormal. I've been myself. Control is the key to a better life or living but what are we living or what are we trying so hard to control. Isn’t it cruel to leave someone beneath the dirt for the weakness that he has and thinking that by stating his weaknesses will ever make you stronger? Words are so powerful, we often forget that. They are massive and strong once said, another will have an impact. Words are just words some say, so now I say - You are wrong living within yourself, denial leaks and fear appears upon your face, you are not worth it - nothing. Does that only seem like words to you now? It may but - think again and again.

Dont let anyone be a priority in life when you are just an option in theirs.

Moderate `

The blog's not dead.

Slips in +

"Could it be the light at the end of the tunnnel."
Sweet's the taste

Happy Birthday Baby! Hope you enjoyed every single bit of it. Smile always.

Thanks for the presents all! Great.

The tree right home.

The family! Peace out always. All smiles.

This entry brings me to post in on my last post of the year. The year which was filled up much with the all so usual ups and downs. From my results, time around, holidays, church, commitments to Poly life and the new people and the one who changed into someone special. This year has been much of confusion and all things which not only made me weak at first, but had made me stronger to hold myself together to come this far and much till this day where I forward look upon the coming years and the new year 2008!

Well there is certainly too much to word about the days and times of this year. But it has been one where is not as easy constrasting when it was way back with less or no worries. However, it taught me to look at the things I had in my life both having and gaining. It is for me to know and for me to keep in my memories and for it to grow not in my mind but in my heart. The many things I have been through, some dont even dare to take a mile in my shoes.

Coming back to much of the present and the past few days, it has been a rather busy or packed week of Chirstmas. It would have been more packed than ever if I didnt manage my time better. Well there is also too much to word, may be in the upcoming post pictures will do the talking. Wells, for a short bit of update, it satrted of with shopping and the attempt to get into the festive mood which was rather difficult in some way for no appearant reason. Got most of the things I wanted for others and kinda enjoyed in some way too nice times too with my mum and friends who joined in.

-24th, It was over to Sze Lee's house on the Eve. Baby's friends place, thanks for the invite, it was well and good to have met her friends and of course share that moment of dinner and cake with her crazy but great stuff, pressured me with her friends though it was fun. It was not slow as usual for time to get on, for me to head back to attend Mass at church as usual, with my family at midnight mass where the feel got a little stronger, wishes to many then after and back for my family get together. Opening of presents was fun, dear, pleasant and much enjoyed and appreicatied. Pretty good and useful stuff I've got and of course gave.

25th! - Onwards, was headed over to Shuan's, as I was rather late, 4am - I missed out on quite a number of people and YV, however it was a good catch up with some and a few new faces. A short chill with bud and other boys, which ended early in the morning where I made my way in about 630am back with baby where she had work in the approaching hours of that day. Home, rest through the day and the evening of Christmas was over at my Unlce's, good food a little drama but in hope it was all good.

26th! - "Happy Birthday Sin Yee baby!" Suprised Baby at her place (she was asleep), on the dot on time, awesome me, haha. Thanks to my dad and my mum for help and for the lift to her place. It's her birthday right smack after Christmas Day. Celebrated, just the two of us with the presence of her, presents, food, candles and sticks game at our usual cosy chill and hang arounds. Hope she enjoyed much and kept it dearly at heart. Thus, the rest of the day ahead was for her. Game of Pool, Dinner, Derssert, Movie, Cake to her face, Chills and Hangs around, Bubbles, Lay downs, River and Brigdes, Breakfast, Photos - Time! Thanks the heavens and to my planning, everything carried out was rather great and much time was shared with each other to end of the day to the sunrise right into the next, together. Love the presents too alright Love the efforts, thoughts and me more. Hugs.`Everything was meant for you, to see you smile to feel me there, to hold you, to watch over - to beat the same beat.

Happy birthday to Wendy and three of my baby's friends too.

27th. - Over to big man's place, a little tired out but dropping by was cool enough yeah. Nice to meet the few in awhile. Thanks baby for coming by too.

28th - Happy Birthday Reena and Sherlyn. Headed over to Sher's in the evening baby came too. Chilled, watched tv and had mini little chats.

29th - Headed out with baby. Hugs. I read you, tightly I hold, tightly. Dont you ever think of the negative. Smiles. (Salty, I am still yours) Smiles again. Ha.

30th - Headed out with family, dinner which closed 07' and well wished for the coming.

31st - Alone time, recovery and reflects of the year and the needs and wants of the new! Happy New Year - 2008 in my heart I made my aims/aspirations/resolutions as I move forward! Peace out all over!

Even though

"Now the top of my list would be for us to shine like the star at its highest at all times. Alike the lights, shall the world shine. Sparkles in your eyes can only reflect I. For He is given to the world, may He show and for us to discover His Love, that I never fail to want to pass on. "

Through the years big man, we gotta keep it real.

` The search for peace has rotten into a sign, obtaining never been easy. '

Now you know I am yours. Smile like you mean it, say it like you hold it true, kiss me like you love it. If time is the only thing we want with each other; 24 hrs will never be enough. Reaches to touch you, jumps to feel your thoughts. Light this up baby.

The holidays are in action as the school days were ended last Friday for the year 07'. I do not have to stress how time presses forward. The past weeks, were near closing to the end of school, much time with baby, outs with parents, helped out at church with its Christmas decorations, chills with bud with a stay over, chills with the boys; the rest are for memories and simple rest back home. Missed out on a few events, but Happy Birthday Sculls. Happy chalet Old boys from the leadership board. Happy clubbing for xmas too, I wont be there. Been pretty lazy to blog but I cant seem to just leave without a note before such a celebrated event, Christmas. I hope most will not forget the true meaning of it, neither should people dismiss the real meaning and in their hearts just waiting to recieve. The gift of Jesus is what it is, He is the gift from the Lord almighty. There it begins this pleasant festive feel, where giving and recieving was met and that this is why we all celebrate it for.

Happy 17th year Jolene, birthday at her place.

Thanks to baby

for the company, we did great at the games we played, you the girl.

Yet for me to have the feel though it is not for three days only. Presents are more or less settled, so much of thinking, giving and purchasing of course which leaves my pocket to crack up in tears, hoping it is all worth just to place that feel in someone elses heart with the priceless smiles moved by tight muscles before they open their gifts up. Happy holidays and a fabulous unforgettable Christmas looking forward to 08' too to those worth my wishes. Till then.

I have been me, never beat differently. I need to Trust and Love myself as I should never go under. I need this, I need to feel you. I cant go on to scream.