Electronic girl

In the darkness when all's asleep, I creep up to my laptop and found myself tapping keys to update my blog and cyber down my thoughts.

This post is particularly special because it's being typed in by my new laptop. I probably told the tragic story of how my old laptop stopped working once too many times but I shall type it all out to share the pain. My Sony Vaio Laptop FE series kind of passed away slowly after I did a hardcore anit-virus scan. Since I hadnt scan the laptop in weeks or months after plugging in various thumbdrives, hard disc, emails, msn sharing and downloads; did the full scan down of the system.

The anit-virus dug out 3 to 4 virus files named, 'WIN32.' To my knowledge(after I deleted those files), these kind of files do actually have an disabling effect which affects software and hardware in different cases.

In my case, after I deleted those files which I thought was normal virus file forms such as 'worm' or 'Trojan Horse' my laptop took a 'fall.' The next day I came to realize the graphics was a grade lower. Thinking I could get it fixed over free time back at school's IT helpdesk, I lived with the hazy displays. My 'Shift" keys gave me problems the next time I switched my laptop on, it's weird at times to think not 1 but 2 shift keys cant work at once. But then again, the tracks of the shift keys may be linked mechanically and electronically, so one fault will lead to both the malfunction. At that time it got me thinking, school's not going to be of help since now it's a hardware problem.

To add in to this adversity, the warranty was vaild only for a year, my laptop's 2 years old - just 2 years by the way. As I was busy with others plans and work called upon me, I dragged the problem living with no CAP letters at the start of each sentence and others; one recent post was typed on that laptop, the last it did. The laptop gave up after I swtiched it on about 2 days of non-usage after all that's happened. I could not even enter the Clt, Alt and Delete keys to access main desktop display and had to force it to shut down by holding the 'on/off' button for a few seconds.

Alarmed at such stages this virus does to my laptop was painful. It wasnt only the pain in the pocket from the price my mum had to put in to purchase it but it was also the 2 years of sentiment. All my time with it, school, home, doing projects, creating vids, doing presentations, watching movies and blasting music. My actions were to bring it to school to see if they have some disc or codes which they could enter into my laptop through it's 'backdoor.' It couldnt, therefore a reformat disc was the final bet. It seemed like it was working, my hopes got me to forget how hungry I was missing my usual lunch time for this.

However, I was called back way too early to collect my laptop since I knew reformatting would take at least 3 hrs, it was only half an hr. The problem - the CD driver stopped working after awhile, it was okay but it stopped after spinning a few rounds. It was all the same after I rushed down to Sony @ Wisma. For an uncertain excellent recovery result of my laptop I had to get it checked in to Sony's technical team which will then inform me what they think is wrong and how must it will cost. Sounds to me the the 'think' is wrong part is an assumption and the 'cost' an estimate. The price of the repair with a slight more top ups could get me a new set with better updated technology, so it was a decision to make. If I do check it in with Sony to wait and see the estimated cost it will take about a week or to check it in without going on with the repair, will be a $65 service charge plus darn GST.

My mum decided to get me a new one, (I realized awhile ago, it's a very long technical story of mine but let me let it out eh!) So appropriate for the IT fair to fall just in time for some comparisons and considerations of brands and models. IT fair didnt have the effect it had on 740 thousand people than it had to me, the only thing was the free gifts which wasnt really a good deal at all, to think of it because in a way it's all under the cost you are paying, get more gifts because of the fact you are going to have to pay more isnt it? Going through the ugly manner kind of crowd, the mass production of electrical goods just for it wouldnt make it all special and nice. It was a real travel to Best Denki to set out for a choice of either a Fujitsu or Sony. Ended up at Sony Paragon despite what has happened. This proves that the brand, realibility, marketing skills and accessibility plays a huge part. CS series was what I got, it runs on a 4G RAM, the space of 250G and speeds at 2.26GHz, bluetooth, HD audio and LCD display, recovery system and a whole lot of smart tech for about a slight more of half of what my mum paid for the pervious laptop which crashed on me.

Now the fear is to format it to a new OS which I think isnt an upgrade just a format by school so as to enable me to sit for my test for the final year. Since this laptop brand isnt what school is totally firmiliar with some of my laptop drivers may stop functioning, such as Audio and/or Camera. I'm pretty delighted and I would say fortunate to have a new laptop and having the choice is most important. I thank the Lord and my mum the most for everything, every effort in getting me this new one. Besides some nags, feeling bad/sad and the heartache from the pocket hole, it's really nice to think of me, my well being in school and all- big thank you mum and dear Lord. Also to all who cared for my laptop, gave suggestions and patiently wait to make up my mind like my Dad, Sis, Baby, Sarah, Daryl, Gab and Uncle. Another fear it's that this new laptop has to go through the final year with me which means, more Engineering programs to be running, more places it has to go due to class/s and FYP which leads to increasing care for it. Oh well, it has to be taken care of and be kept well always anyways.

I will have to decide if the rescue is still on for my old laptop because it will be such a waste, the components in there are very much fresh given the way I dont stress my laptop out with games and hardcore design programs or anything much. Moreover, the home can put the laptop into good use as well.

What are the things in this world of ours in general can we do without getting MONEY invovled!?(I meant doing happy things and getting out there enjoying, so on.) I dont have a million now but hey, I bet it's a million dollar question! (See what I mean about everything's money?) - (Freaking ironic.)

The ships.

Relationships.

Well I am not the best at relationships, do not have a big ego at it but neither will I say I'm lousy at it.

I see the beauty and yet the ugliness of people, try to read them and see their reactions, their responses and even doubt my own at times. I just cannot find the right words to express how I feel about people neither can I find the right or most important words to express my thoughts or the way I see things and think. Neither will I expect anyone to see what I see. But sometimes what I read of others is so true that I could only believe in myself in thinking the way I think, I grew out of my childhood pretty fast I would say, not that I didnt enjoy it or anything, I just felt more matured than others and saw things in a higher prespective than others my age back then. I met or I actually realized politics as young as 13. Some may have earlier of course.

Therefore, in relation I come back to the hot topic about relationships. My early apologies if it's offensive, untrue, baseless facts or just the fact readers dont see eye to eye. It's plain, simple and in my opinon.

Well, a pretty old saying goes which can be a little overrated or irritating is that, 'it takes two to clap." As in the real kinda clap, appluad type. In case some didnt see the whole meaning to the word clap due to its subjective meaning to others out there.

To me, in a relationship there's 2 significant individuals of the opposite sex having the same feelings for each other. There's a doubt in what I have just mentioned, I feel that in one way or another overtime, one will have, sustain or dropped certain feelings due to the age of the relationship which of course are caused by various reasons, responsibilties, taking the other partner for granted and so on. I would say, in a lovely relationship it might just take 2 with the same feelings to go deeper into things but it will take one at least to have a stronger feeling for the other to make it work long term. Having it this way will carry the relationship on going, creating a chance where the other with the lesser feeling realized how much effort it is to keep a stronger feeling, which then creates a time for a transformation to relief the one who takes the effort and now carry on the lead. To reaffirm what the other party is doing which is what really is right and worth keeping the affair on.

By far many couples will have found out that we cannot say enough or stress how important certain common elements must be there to prove real love in the relationship. So there goes again for me to say a few that's important to me the way I see it. Committment, Trust, Endurance, Communication, Prioritizing, Patience, Faithfulness and Time. I cannot really rate them in order because if the relationships is healthy and all good, all will fall into place at once, of course some will learn each element later and when the situation is right for the placement of use but yet if one know of these why not all at once? Just having these few elements will then transform the couple to love and hopes will keep it up to unconditional and lasting love which will automatically bring in others such as great communication and understanding, great sex and the loving kind of family created.

But in a relationship, there's of course the time limitations, the distraction, the temptation, the freedom, the family, the years or months of it, the fear, the hurt, the betrayal, the security, the money, the future and the benefits.

I wouldnt have the time or the real ability to break them all down in critical analysis so just it can only sit here in my blog. But I guess some will understand what I am getting at. For some couples, security is what they see that's important. A girl for instance will look for a man who has something stable that can be a career or a attribute that she's in love with and see that she can grow old with. One's something that is material the other something that will care, either of which she has will also still have the possibility of giving her a good life. Money will be enough to show care and care will be something that will pursue or motivate the man to up keep his partner, it's just what some prefers. Benefits for instance, in a man will look for his lady with good set of skills to be a mother of his child and possibly a sexy figure he can enjoy and is proud about to show her off. All of which I just stated might not be the way each of the other partners will want to be, the man might not want to be the soul provider, the lady might not just want to be a sex figure with motherly skills.

In a relationship, one must really know what he/she wants and most importantly needs. Then choose or arrange them in order by years for example. Because, if you choose to be in a serious relationship, it has to be well planned, heck what fate has got or do not rely that everything will simply fall in place. No one can say when they are going to get married for sure or how long the marriage will last, or start a family at that excact time and place. The plan is to have a plan in the first place to start a tentative structure. For if I get into a relationship and find that I should have taken more time to mingle and enjoy what life can give then you may hurt the other, but if you dont hurt the other, your life wouldnt be in place, the years will go by and what one may have or can feel back then might not in furture. Or what if, if I have given myself more time, will I have found the real right one, but than again if I let this go, will I loose the real right one I have already found? It gets more complicated as it goes, rules to follow, enthics, morales to up keep, sins one ought not to do or disappointment to others and thier lover. Simply, that's why communication will come in play - keep up in knowing each other through and through then if one finds it troubling so then understanding comes in play. If it's hurting then endurance will teach and might help lead the way for the better. Committment then will teach to use time wisely to give the proper attention to each other, now that would be in place wouldnt it?

Couples should not only look into the interest of oneself but more so their partner, because if it's two that's in love, then it wouldnt be so difficult to give. It wouldnt be so difficult to believe, to trust, to satisfy, to guide and to take. In a relationship, both parties usually wants or needs to know how much they are in control. Thus, more commonly a lady will want to know where her man is every now and then, wants to know if the cash is flowing in and the savings are in place for her kids now or in future. More commonly too for a man, is to know where is his lady's whereabouts, to know no other man can be an option and to know her responses are true to him. But, no one wants to be controlled and that's when the problems function. Commonly for a man is his ego, he wants to keep up well, he should loose to no one in terms of home matters such as making love, being the right father and someone who will stand up for his convictions even if it goes against his lover's idea or thoughts. He will listen to his lady but will not give in totally either. Alike goes for a lady, I feel, she will want him to listen totally to her ideas, plans and will take whatever she can control. This is occasionally bad and empty excuses will be made such as, "I thought it was of the best interest of us." but actually it was only for one's interest."

Hence, the give and take method comes into play, healthy or not healthy it may work but how long if it's played unhealty, is the standing fighter to take down. The man can allow in his lady's interest but only if the lady allows his. Thus, bottom line I do this for you, you do this for me, then when is it real, when I say I love you because I do and not because you said it so I say it back? Worst still when it happens for everything else because then real needs of feelings wont be met. I simply had sex with you because you wanted it, I simply called you to tell you where I was because I wanted to know where you were too. So when does it come to doing the right actions because of the impluse of love and not one for one motives? It can grow into worse cases, oh I called only to know you are alone in bed after your tiring day of work while I am out with my girlfriends but actually not, she's out finding someone else her boyfriend has lost giving so much, vice versa.

So what is it we all want, be it in a relationship now or wanting to start one, what are the things we need to give up and what are the things we will feel so incredibily good when in a relationship? Is it because you have been together for quite some time that you are stuck with each other? Or is it because you are afraid to loose what you think is the best for you? Or is it because everyone you know has a partner or is it because you think you cannot get any better, or you are just too afraid to let go but just to settle in to love one another but not to be IN love with?

A relationship is like a plant, with care it will grow, with time it will mature, with suffient love it can bloosom its flowers, with water it can be refreshed, with understanding of its nature it will last, with grace it will stop passerbys to admire, to cherish it will remain in heart even after it's gone.

Yet, to be neglected the new leaves struggle to grow, with other plants to look after the roots to weak to hold, the time to short to know and understanding's weak so it's sunlight's too overwhleming to take dries up and the lack of trust forces it to grow changes it's pot too big it, fell out the window.

He should not indulge in sin.

Slides by the 2nd week of March. I've finally got to keep myself a little occupied as I had to work 3 extra hrs for 3 days last week. All in all including travel time I'm probably out for at least 9 hrs, that's pretty good considering the slack I have been at home, pretty much doing nothing, not even to update my blog daily or every other day kinda thing.

Work has been alright, glad to be doing something different in a day and back to making those calls, trying to learn how to use better phrases by myself to get better response. It did work but into getting real appointments made, still lay in the economic situation the World's in. The office will be shifting nearer, more convenient to travel in line if I do work after school as well but till I get to see the new office, I am not sure when. I am currently off this week as they will be busy settling in setting the phone lines, tables and such.

Due to work in the afternoons and evenings, my meet up with baby wasnt really possible, as she is already tired out before I could start on my second shift in the night. But I guess we had a good meet up with my friends and I last Friday and Sat. Mixing around and learning more on a thing or 2.

Sunday, I attended mass and headed for session as well. Session activity was to write down our Lentern resolutions or anything oneself might wanna do during the season of Lent and then share it as a community. The number of turn out was pretty good I would dare say. I felt I did a pretty good reflection in the midst of others chit chattering. I actually draw a mind map which depic the '10 rules/disciplines' whatever I wanted to name it and shared it with YV.

For example, I shared that I should not hesitate to help. An example I gave, - it's sometimes a little fustrating to help and not get what you expect, I am not saying things such as 'thank yous' and 'oh sure a brillant boy, your parents taught you well.' sort of thing many of us would want to hear. Its the unexpected anger or moodiness you get from helping them, in other word ungrateful. Such when you might wanna help an elderly cross the road, carrying a load you think is too heavy for them to be carrying without aid. But then again, if you actually help, a possible response might be, ' Aye boy/girl, you think I old ar? I dont need your help... and mumbles behind your back.' Now that will not only hurt or anger, for some it might have an effect whereby that one person might not lend a hand ever again, if this passes on, we will all be living alone as lonly as it already feels in this cold world.

Just yesterday, my girlfriend had an expreience with a similiar situation herself. Halfway rushing to catch an earlier train to work, an old man stopped her for directions one too many times and gave the look as if he wanted her to walk him to his desired location he was searching for. Unfortunatly, she couldn't given the time limitations. Before she could get to walk a few steps away, he then asked her for money showing her in his hands he had less than 2 dollars worth of coins, asking for more because he wanted to eat. My baby refused and quicky tried to make up for lost time in her rush. Before she got off sight of the old man, he scolded her in muffled words.

Imagine, trying your best to give good directions, having to give up a little more time which mean to pick up extra speed later to help and scolding is all you get in return. It can affect feelings and the thought can remain in one's mind for awhile, bringing back anger and such. In addition to the incident, he mentioned that the house/location he was looking for was his daughter's who's going overseas soon. Sometimes, we can't help to think, if it's his daughter's house, how could he have gotten lost? Or if she's capable to have a house of her own and head overseas, why was he in need of money? This will all lead to other thoughts which then we can easily be accused of thinking bad about others, gossiping
and having no respect and whatever else.

The morale of the story should be clear and simple, if one wants to help without hesitation, one should bare the unexpected and no matter what, having in mind the thought of helping in that help is all too good enough and to not let such an incident lead one not to help again or spoilt one's day. I shared another 9 thereafter, in which I reflected and thought to myself I should have made my sharing more clear than how clear I thought it was but I guess if I could get through to at least a few of my YV members, I should be delighted enough.

"People, created our own fear, live in denial, cause our own lost, found power to destroy, found crimes to create guilt, cheat to betray, hate and jeaslousy to start war, wait till it's too late, look down to feel better, saw and hear less to not know more, isolate to not face truth, fit in to cover up, found reasons to lie, found tears that wasnt cry, found laughter in expense, party to find loniess, let loose to endanger and love to be loved back the way it shouldnt really be."