Black Winter.

Couple of rings and a couple of squeeze to the buttons snooze and stop, to my phone this morning ( 7th Aug ). An extra check as well from a morning call with the voice of someone who claims to be good dismissing her own facts. Greeted with glooms by the thoughts of UT4/Enterprise. UTs are understanding test for each module that I sit for, it takes 50% of the overall grades which in turn of course affects GPA. Important as it may be, a half an hour effect compared to coporate working hours in school which only take the other 50%. UTs too come ever so often, so much for the no exam approach at RP. Dry and slow progressing day it had been, with little to comprehend from the non-exciting nor interesting problem statement. Whereby, presentation was all copy written from a passed down, unlike my style. However, the patience of the waiting gesture of shaking my leg recalls and recalls that it is at least time that I took the beat seat and watch others sadden for the work load on this and various other days to accomplish. Where they cannot be dependent on one and definitely cannot take one for granted. Cyber conversations were filled with rumours yet jokes that were able to urge my face muscles to move to form a reverse frown. - How good it was, with naughty little jokes here and there too.

When I become no longer my protection that I've used to be, and when my purpose has lost its directions. What worst can I be directed to? Floods of emotions tinggles with heart strings and nerves even to my finger tips which promotes the formation of a harden fist at times. Occasions targeted to make each one of you smile back at those days, worthy at moments regretful after. Could'ves and the could've nots were too late, missed by either pride or faith drown as one travels to another direction and others in another all facing no where but away in all angles but mine. Rooted with deep thoughts pushes away new ones, dismissal of what can be under my nose, overlooked - and peace when mind goes blank; till then.

"Hope decays, swept wild-ly away by the distractive and the distructive costaphobic phobia of being happy or delighted - with intented purpose of recalling when was the last time my heart pumped enthusiastically to signal a true smile of happiness and love."